Yes, yes.  I'm taking the hurricane seriously.  No, no, I'm not saying Irene should be discounted.

In fact I am offering this as a public service so that you can match the seriousness of the hurricane with the antics of our news media.

So here it is:

Anderson Cooper Hurricane Warning Scale

Category One:

Ball cap, knee deep in water for no good earthly reason.  

Action: Make some popcorn, you have time. 

Category Two:
 
Same shot, no cap, wet tee shirt, hair rippling slightly.

Action: Go to store, buy more water.

Category Three:
 
At shore, braced against wind, tee ripped at chest, mic noise. Water at thigh. Hair blowing like marsh grass.

Action: Check generator, get out blue tarp.

Category Four:
 
Same shot,  hoodie up.  Shirt like tattered flag.  Branches, hub caps snap by in background. Shouting into mic. Pointing finger desperately toward direction of wind.

Action: Check boat, outboard.

Category Five:

No shirt.  Whitie tighties.  Water beads on bare chest. Snorkel, diving mask around neck.  Survival knife clenched in teeth.  Cows, pigs, Helen Hunt, sound man, tumble by airborne in background.

Action:  Too late now sucker, you've spent all your time watching Anderson Cooper.  Head to roof, look for chopper.